Sunday, January 2, 2011

It's always darkest before the dawn

The first half of my 2010 was one of the darkest of my life. Sure, a star would flicker now and again, but the dark would always come back. It was a time when I didn't know what to do with my life. I was agitated the entire time but I didn't know what to do about it.

I wanted to do something, anything... for myself, but I didn't know what it was. Knowing what you want and doing everything you can to get it but not quite getting it... is one thing. You can always try again another time or find another way how to get it. NOT KNOWING WHAT YOU WANT is another kind of a sonofabitch.

I'm not saying I know what I want in my life now, but at least I know some of the things I want to do... for now. I guess, I always knew I wanted to do these things but it's not easy to own up to what you want when you don't know where to start, when you have no idea HOW to start, when you have no inkling if you can really do it on your own.  But I guess the AAs got it right. The first step is admitting that you want it. THEN you find a way.

The second half of 2010 was my dawn. I got off my back, stood on my own feet, and restarted my life. It was still not the best of times. It is not yet the best of times. But at least... I got over one of the not-so-good times of my life.

I believe 2011 is my day. I know that it is a cliche to reboot on January. But then again, it is a cliche because it works and it is always good to start at the beginning. It may not work for some people, but I sure as hell am gonna try to make it work for me.

BESIDES, my birthday this year is 11-22-11... isn't it uber-fun!?!? Hahahahaha!

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