Emo mode.

Wala lang. Kanina pa ako emo.

Thanks friends for the texts/calls/emails na pangpa-cheer sa akin.

Di ko na alam kung may tumor ba sa ulo ko pressing down on kung-ano-mang-part-ng-utak-yung-in-charge-of-emotions ko kaya sobrang roller coaster ako ngayon. Although... siguro ok na rin to kasi at least pag emo ka... marami kang iniisip na sad, true! pero ok na rin yun kesa sheer boredom. May iniisip ka nga, pero batong bato naman yung utak mo sa iniisip mo.

Siguro alam ko kung bakit ako emo. Ayoko lang mag-delve into it or maybe aminin sa sarili ko yung totoong rason kasi baka sobrang depressing yung rason na makita ko at bigla na lang ako tumalon ng building. Exagg alam ko... pero you get the point!?

Other people may relish facing their problems head on kasi feeling nila sobrang strong nilang tao, as for me... I have an aversion to it... I usually procrastinate para lang maiwasan ko yung mga bagay na ayaw kong gawin.

OO MALI YUN! Alam ko! Pero kasi!!! Alam ko naman na mas mabuti pang gawin na agad yung mga kailangan gawin para di na siya nakatambay sa surface ng utak mo... BUT STILL!!! Di ko alam pero eh sa yun yung naka-program sa utak ko... postpone tasks I'd rather do without as long as I possibly can... (Now you know kung bakit gang ngayon di pa rin ako cleared completely sa dati kong kumpanya.)

Taena... napapaisip tuloy ako ngayon... uncomfortable thoughts o sheer boredom? What would I prefer?!

Taena! Sabi nga nila think outside the box....

HAPPY THOUGHTS COME TO ME!!! Ako na ang magulo ang bangs!

Reklamador on a Roll

Pag walang nangyayari... mapapaisip ka tungkol sa mga bagay-bagay na kung baon na baon ka sa problema o kaya naman eh high na high ka sa kung ano man... eh sa malamang at sa malamang hinding-hindi mo mapapansin... much less eh problemahin man lang.

Yup! Intro yun sa mga napagiisipan ko these days. Tungkol sa mga walang kwentang bagay lang naman, but apparently nasa likod lang ng utak ko. Kung bakit ko naiisip tong mga bagay na to... besides sheer boredom that is... eh baka malaman ko in the course of writing this post... or pwede rin namang hindi.

Hmmm... wala... naisip ko lang kasi... ang tagal na bago nagkaron ng anything extraordinary na nangyari sa buhay ko... alam mo yun?!

Yung life-changing...
Yung mapapaisip ka sa gabi kung "Totoo ba to?"
Yung halos di ka makatulog kasi di mo alam kung paano plaplanuhin yung bukas kasi sort of may idea ka what to expect... pero feeling mo... more than what you're expecting... mas excited ka malaman kung ano yung mga unexpected na mangyayari bukas... kaso since unexpected nga eh di mo naman mahulaan.

Shit! I miss not knowing what tomorrow will bring! These days, alam ko gigising ako. Kung mag-e-exercise ako o kung manonood na lang ba ako ng TV eh choice ko. Maliligo ako and then papasok sa office. Then uwi ulit sa bahay para manood ng kung ano man. Tulog. Then repeat coda till fade.

Siguro insert na lang paminsan-minsan yung makipagkita sa mga kaibigan. Actually yun lang yung hindi routine sa buhay ko ngayon. Otherwise... WALANG HAPPENING!!!

Di ko alam bakit... feeling ko nararamdaman rin naman 'to ng lahat ng tao... pero ang hirap hindi mag-expect ng something extraordinary para sa buhay ko.

Alam ko gusto kong yumaman. Pero alam ko rin hindi yun ang be all and end all ng buhay ko. It would just be nice to know na di na issue yung pera with regards to things I want to do. I don't think being rich or being famous is extraordinary (although, depending on how you got famous... that would be debateable).

I just know that I am meant for extraordinary things. What these things are... THAT'S WHAT I'M LONGING TO FIND OUT!

Boredom go away!!!!

Am I disabled?

At siyempre nagbabasa pa rin ako ng Wikipedia... while reading on Melatonin, napunta ako sa isang article about DSPS (Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome). Symptoms which apply to me:

• Sleep later than 2 AM (Akala ko dati kasalanan lang ng mga series na pinapanood ko!)
• Exhibit normal sleep quality if not required to maintain a strict schedule. (Thank you Flexi-time)
• No difficulty in maintaining sleep once asleep (YES! Mantika ako!)
• Severe to Absolute inability to advance sleep-phase to earlier hours (Chowee! Copy-paste.. nahirapan ako i-paraphrase eh... Anyway, dati sinubukan ko matulog ng 3AM instead of my usual 5AM... nakatulog ako 7AM na tuloy.. resulta ng kakapilit matulog ng maaga! Hahaha!)
• skip sleep for an entire day then sleep 12-18 hours the next day. (Yuhuh!)

Potaena! Akala ko tamad lang ako bumangon dahil sa lamig... PAKSHET! I HAVE A DISORDER!!!!

From Wikipedia: Accdg to Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990, "disability" is defined as a "physical or mental impairment that substantially limits one or more major life activities". "Sleeping" is defined as a "major life activity" in § 12102(2)(a) of the statute.

Taena kung Kano lang ako... pde na ako mag-park sa space for the Disabled! And more importantly kung sumali ako sa kahit anong American Pageantry... at tinanong ako kung ano ang isa sa mga major life accomplishments ko... SLEEPING would be a valid answer.

Why I haven't been exercising...

This is a groundbreaking post. I'm going to admit to myself why I haven't started to exercise yet despite all the reminders and all the logical reasons I have given myself.

For the past days/weeks/months I kept telling myself na... this is it! Gagalaw na ako! I keep planning for it in my head. I'm going to run sa UP Oval... around Ateneo... inside Moro Lorenzo... dito sa baba ng bahay ko. I keep planning how I'm going to do it. I'm going to run before I go to the office, after office... BUT I JUST CAN'T START!

I keep having this obstacles inside my head. If I run before I go to the office, I have to prepare my run clothes and my office clothes and my towel and my toiletries. I should run at 5 am so there'd be less traffic when I go to Ateneo... but then again, I'd be done by around 7-8am and there'd be traffic. I should run at around 10am. I should run at around 9pm, etc, etc, etc...

And then I thought... Taena bakit sa Ateneo pa? Bakit sa UP pa? I have 400m worth of running ground downstairs, around the "village", bakit di na lang ako sa baba tumakbo???

Kasi nahihiya akong makita ng mga guard na tumatakbo.


Hahahahahah! What a pathetic reason, but it's true. So bakit ako nahihiya? Kasi ayokong isipin nila na tumatakbo ako para pumayat. I guess, I think it is a vain thing to do... to try to lose weight just for the sake of losing weight. I try to think of myself as not a vain person kahit na alam ko paminsan minsan vain din siguro ako hehe! I have never exercised explicitly to lose weight. I have always done physical activities because of a certain goal. It has always been for softball training, or a personal requirement before a climb, or for a game, etc. I never went to the gym kasi gusto kong magpa-sexy.

I think I just find it distasteful for myself to act that way, kasi alam ko di ako ganung tao. I have friends who go to the gym to lose weight and I think it's ok for them kasi sila yun eh, that's how they are. But, I thought, that's not me.

Then again... I thought... POTEK! Ang arte ko! May pa-distasteful distasteful pa akong alam! Leche! Who's pretentious now?!?! Sino ba yung tataba kung iisipin ko yung iniisip ng ibang tao!?!? Sino ba yung magsasayang ng pera kasi kelangan nang bumili ng mga damit kasi di na kasya yung mga damit niya sa kanya??!?!? SILA BA!!?! HINDI!!! AKO!!!

Like what I said in one of my earlier posts... FUCK YOU ALL! PAPAYAT NA AKO!

p.s. already set my alarm clock to 1:30pm so I can run by 3PM... hehehe! I can always say... FUCK YOU ALL!!! pero kilala ko pa rin sarili ko... Procrastination is the name... but by 3PM it will be Ready, Get Set... GAME!