Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Supahfast connection!

Ah... MAY- ZINg!

Hahahahaha! Mas mabilis pa yung wifi ko ngayon kesa sa DSL ko dati. Ok, di naman talaga siya supahfast... pero it's significantly faster than any connections I've ever had! Lalo na yung ISP Bonanza! hahahahah! KRnngkkk...Krrrrkkssssshhh krrngggkkk krksshhh.... toot tooot toot tooot! Hahahha!

Again... AH... MAY - ZINg! Sana hindi nagdedeteriorate to over time... Or baka kasi mabilis na rin tong laptop ko... mwahehehe! AYLAVET! Laptop... please survive for more than 3 years! Please! Please! Please! Para ka lang naman sa movies, games, blogs and occasional work shit ko eh!

Hehehehe! Status: At home trying to work... but always distracted as YOU-ZHU-WALL! Back to work, slave! Latah!

Depress-depressan Mode Ovah!

Okay. I AM NOT DEPRESSED... na.

Hahhahaahha! Over the weekend emo-mode ako. Ayun tuloy di ko nakita ang Spice dabarkads! Hahahah potek natatawa ako... Spice dabarkads! ahhaha parang G-Mik lang! hahahaha! Hay ang "tanda" ko na! G-Mik pa naalala ko... di ko na nga alam kung anong usong teen shows ngayon.

Heniwei... di ko pa masabi sa kanila nung start kasi I'm like so shy and all. Kahit nga kina Mama ayoko rin sana sabihin kaso hello ang hirap rin kung hindi sabihin kina Mama kasi kulang na lang hanapan na nila ako ng tirahan dun! Hahahah! Kaya sila agad sinabihan ko para tumigil na ang delusion nila. Although gabi na nung sinabi ko kahit tanghali pa lang nung Friday eh alam ko na.

Matutulog na ako dapat nun kasi kakagaling ko lang badminton. Eh mga 630-930am yung laro namin, so pagdating sa bahay eh konti na lang babagsak na yung mata ko sa sobrang antok... Pero dahil ayoko matulog ng gross ako... so naligo muna ako kasi hello lang! Basura mode much ako after nung laro. As always! Napipiga ko na yung pawis na naipon sa pony tail ko! Yucky kadiri but oh so refreshing! Tagal ko na kasing di nagpapawis ng bongga.

Ang saya ko pa pagkarating sa bahay... Kaso around 11am after ko makapagroutine ligo, hilamos, toothbrush, body lotion all over, at mag-moisturizer ng mukha (in fairness ngayong pinagpapawisan na ulit ako unti unting nag-didisappear mga kapimpolan ko sa mukha... yun nga lang hello scars everywhere! Buti na lang yung iba maganda yung pwesto... nagmumukha lang akong may dimple.... yung iba naman... hayuf sa pwesto! Para akong caricature na may freckles sa pisngi... But instead of freckles, ay pimpeeeels! Buti na lang naidadaan sa angle ng camera at sa instagram editing kaya lumalabas pa rin yung tunay kong gandang natatabunan ng sandamakmak na pimple peklat! Pero ayos lang wala pa rin naman akong keloid sa ilong! Labyu Hubes! Sana di mo mabasa to! Hahahah!) And as always, I digress...

So after everything, hihiga na ako dapat sa aking walang kamatayang pwesto sa sahig sa tabi ng sopa (pwesto selected as such para makapagtago sa sikat ng araw na tumatagos sa kurtina kong makapal hindi lang sa tela kundi sa naipong alikabok na rin)... tapos naisip ko... macheck nga yung instagram (my favorite app these days) baka may astig na picture. I like looking at beautiful pictures ng kung anu-anong bagay. Pano ba namang hindi... eh beautiful picture nakikita ko araw-araw sa salamin... I like funny pictures rin... Kasi kung yung ibang tao ay crazy, beautiful (sabi nga nung movie), ako naman ay funny, beautiful! Hahahahha! Uupakan ko yung kumontra dun sa beautiful part!

Pagkabukas ng tab, Lo and behold! May email ako galing dun sa kumokontak sa akin for interviews. Siyempre nginig nginig to the bones. Pero yung ini-expect ko na sagot ay yung tipong.. wala pang feedback from client yada yada... KASO NOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Ayoko na ireiterate yung exact words dito.... pero absolute value 1 enclosed in a parenthesis multiplied by -1... In short... NEGA yung sagot. Para mas malinaw ganito: (|1|) * -1 = -1

GETS?! Gano man kapositive yung simula kung may negative sa huli... Negative pa rin! Anaknangshet!

So ayun... yung antok  na antok kong utak.. biglang nag-overdrive to overwhelming sadness. Di naman ako naiiyak or anything nung time na yun. Pero basta alam mo yung parang masakit sa puso ng slight. Hahahaahah! Ewan baka hineheart attack na pala ako dahil sa size ko tapos naisisi ko lang sa balitang natanggap ko that time... pero basta that's what it felt. So ayun. Tulala mode ako for about 10 minutes pero I can't help thinking... I can't waste my waking time staring at the stupid ceiling. So internet galore na lang muna ako to take my mind off of things. So ayun... nasobrahan naman ako sa aliw dun sa game na nilalaro ko... at sa kung anu-anong bagay na pwedeng mabasa... around 2PM na ako nakatulog. Kung hindi sumakit yung ulo ko sa sobrang pagod at antok... di pa siguro ako makakatulog kasi nakaover drive pa ako... Salamat sa Diyos Friday ko natanggap yung news. Alam niyang pagod ako when I arrive home and I wouldn't have time to dwell on things too much kasi yung katawan ko na mismo yung bibigay.

Yun nga lang... Hello weekend!!!! Hahahah! Enough time to think things through. So ayun... emo-mode ako through the entire weekend. Iniwan ko phone ko sa kotse para wala akong makausap. Sa internet kasi pwede ka pa rin magtago. Hahhahaha Sorry Des! After mo mag-msg inoff ko na yung wifi ko! Kasi di ko pa kaya makipagusap.

Ang mali ko lang... nakalimutan ko baliw mode nga pala yung parents ko... Pagkakita ko nung Lunes nung phone ko... ahehe... sandamakmak na calls from Kai, Des and fatherhood. Pero ni-msg ko naman sila Papa sa FB... so alam  nilang kahit emo ako... eh buhay pa rin naman ako...

So ayun... after thinking things through... I realized... hello!!! February pa lang! I have the rest of the year to look for a new one, God-permitting. OR at the very least, I have the rest of the year to distract myself with travelling all over this beautiful country called Pilipinas!

So masaya na ulit ako!
Boracay and Baguio for April. Davao and Vietnam (?) for May. Cebu on June!

Sana di puro drowing to travel plans ko. Wahow! Wahow! Happy thoughts! Cahmowndaaaawn!!!

Thursday, February 21, 2013

!@#$%^&*()__)(*&%$#@@@!!!!!!

Eto na naman ako. Di mapakali. Ambabaw babaw ng tulog ko kaninaaaaa!!! Napakasakit lang sa bangs! Alam ko pinapangarap kong matanggap dun sa isang inapplyan ko sa labas ng bansa... Pero anakngtipaklong!!!! Pati ba naman sa panaginip eh guguluhin niya ang utak ko! Dun na nga lang ako nakakapagpahinga sa kakaisip eh!

Sabi nga nung kanta... I've got it, I've got it bad! Poteeeeeek!!!! I don't want to think na! Ayaw ko na talaga umasa! Isang linggo na nakalipas at NR pa rin sila sa akin! I DONK LAYK NA!

Pero kasiiiiiiiii!!!!!

Friday, February 15, 2013

Google and Me

When I'm not working, I'm usually with Google.

I google a lot of stuff... people I wanna know more about, stuff that I've read somewhere that I wanna read more of, error code in my codes that I have no idea how to fix, etc.

These days, I have three search keys that I don't fail to google on a weekday. I don't usually google on weekends, I log online but I usually play games or watch youtube/asianovela/anime videos and I already know where they are. No googling involved.

Anyway, regarding those search keys, two are the names of people I google stalk daily. Hahahahhha! I always check posts about them in the last 24 hours! Eh gusto ko malaman pang-araw araw na balita tungkol sa kanila eh! Kung meron man. Pakelam mo?!?! hahahahah!
  1. Conan O'Brien - eh ang talino niya eh!!!! Saka funny/witty! Bait pa! I am fascinated! Gusto ko ng kagaya niya pero may abs saka mas pogi! Ayus na yung height niya! hehehehe!
  2. Won Bin - eh ampogi niya eh!!! hahahahaha! Meron siya nung wala si Conan! Hehhehehe! Di ko nga lang sure kung gano siya katalino at gano siya kafunny at gano siya kabait. Di kami tight eh... thus, the google stalking! hahahah!
  3. Natural Adabas - ala lang, I'm actually looking for 2 things when I google this key. (1) Anything new in this world of SAG that could help me in my coding (2) Job opportunities. Hehehehe! Yuh knooowww it!!! hahaha!
Wala lang, just wanted to write this just in case I come across this blog post again in the future. It'll tell me what I used to obsess about at this time of my life. hahahaha! I hope future me wouldn't be that disappointed. Gaya nga ng sabi ni Ara Mina.... "You can never can tell!" Malay mo asawa ko na si Won Bin by then at kapitbahay namin si Conan habang technical manager na ako ng Natural. hahahahhahha!

Naloko mo ko, fresh grad ME!

At dahil nga sa mga ina-apply-applyan kong kung saan saan, sinubukan ko igo-google yung buo kong pangalan para makita kong ano yung mga nakikita ng mga ina-applyan ko just in case i-search nila ako online. So far, acceptable naman.
  • FB page ko kung san sobrang bihira naman ako nagpopost. At kung hindi sila friend of friends ko di rin naman nila makikita mga post ko. So keribels lang.
  • Mga lumang site (na galing sa geocities dati) na gawa nung isang blockmate ko. Keri rin lang.
  • Isang scribd page kung asan yung write-ups ng block namin naka-post. Ayus pa rin.
  • Isang pdf file ng isang teacher namin nung college kung saan nakalista yung individual presentation scheds ng class namin saka yung projects namin para sa class na yun. Ayus na ayus! mukhang di ako tanga kasi me project akong ganun nung college.
So naisip ko... oks! Malinis online life ko.

So naisip ko... pano kaya kung alam nila yung online handle ko.... so ni-search ko rin yung handle ko.

Tapos nakita ko yung luma kong blog na sinimulan ko nung 2005, late ko na nalaman tong blog blog na to eh... and besides wala naman akong internet nung college kasi no! ISP Bonanza was my friend for projects!!! Hahahha! Sa lab namin ako usually nagsusulat ng mga ipopost ko... procrastination tool ko kasi ang blogging if you must know at just in case hindi siya ganun ka-obvious! Hahahaha!

Heniwei... yung nabuksan kong post ay nasulat ko after ko na grumaduate from college. Ayun, kung pano ako magsulat dati, parang ganun pa rin naman ngayon. Yung alam kong medyo malayong writing style ko eh yung nung college talaga ako... weird... ewan ko ba... feeling ko sobrang immature lang! hahahahaha! As if ang mature ko lang ngayon! Hahahahaahhaha!

So ayun basa basa ako nung mga sinulat ko dati kasi karamihan naman ng sinulat ko dati nakalimutan ko na.... Apparently crush ko dati si Juddah Paolo at vegetarian siya based dun sa blog ko... so malamang ginoogle stalk ko rin siya dati. Hahahah!

Nang biglang nakita ko tong post na to!

Nung nabasa ko yung unang linya, nagulat ako! As in! Naisip ko... shet ano yung ginawa ko dati bakit nagawa ko yun!

And then I read the next line. Potek!!!!! hahahahahahaha! Laftrip! Naloko mo ako fresh grad ME! hahahahha!

Imagine?!

Ok. Nag-iimagine na naman ako tungkol sa Australia! Di ko alam kung matatanggap ba ako or what... pero napapaimagine talaga ako ng bonggang bongga!

I can't help it!!!!! Alam mo yung nag-iimagine ka, pero di mo matapos tapos yung ini-imagine mo kasi di mo naman talaga alam kung tama ba yung ini-imagine mo.. at dahil real life ang pinaguusapan siyempre kahit pano gusto mo nearly realistic yung maimagine mo for yourself para maprepare mo naman yung sarili mo for whatever's there!

Haaaaaaaay nakuuuuuuuuu!!!! My brain! Working over time na naman!!!!

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Nonoy, you're the man!

Nonoy in action on Heart's Week
I think I last saw him when I was in highschool (1997-2000) I have never thought of this guy again since I saw this picture in Facebook earlier. I'm not even sure what his real name is, but we know him as Nonoy.

Feeling ko, kinder (1990) pa lang (or could be much earlier) eh nasa school na namin siya, Catbalogan 1. From what I remember, he served as an all-around guy. He'd do errands for some teachers but mostly he helped clean up our grounds and always with that same ready smile on his face.

He is physically disabled but he never seemed to lose that smile except that one time when he was frantically trying to stop an all-out fight between me and a boy classmate. I eventually stopped reaching out to try and hit my classmate for fear of hitting Nonoy accidentally.

Yes, he is disabled. But he certainly knew to care enough about us to even try to stop our fight.

Naiyak ako ng nakita ko tong pic na to. Seeing his smile again hurts like a son of a bitch because it reminds me that there are people like Nonoy out there who hasn't been dealt with a fair hand in this world but are still ready to smile and be thankful and be happy because of the simplest things. While there are people like me, hindi naman perpekto ang buhay ko... But I know that I could learn a thing or two about gratefulness and losing that sense of entitlement that most of us feel at times.

This post is a personal reminder to myself and everyone who happens to see this post na anakngtinapa, some people have it worse and are still happy. Do what you can with what you have. Be thankful for it and stop bitching!

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Tapos na. Next up?

Di ko na talaga alam kung ano na next. Clueless galore. Di ko man lang naitanong ko ano nga ba dapat next na i-expect ko. When they asked if I had any questions, yung tanong ko was more focused on the work environment that I should expect.

Potek! At times like this, I usually forget to ask about mundane (not so mundane now) things like if I should expect their call or if I should just forget everything because I don't have a pinch of salt's chance of lasting under a thunderstorm! Walang sense ang metaphor ko... pero you know what I mean... Gusto ko gumamit ng metaphor kaya leave me alone you annoying person who has nothing else better to do than pansinin ang writing skills ko! hahahha As usual assuming na naman ako na may nagbabasa nito! Hahahahhha! And I bet di niyo napansin yung pakshet na metaphor ko if I didn't point it out..or maybe you did but didn't think too much about until I wrote this stupid long paragraph emphasizing that stupidly weird metaphor if it can even be called that.

And yes! I'm the master "digress"-er hahahhhahaah!

Heniweis!!!! DI KO NA ALAM!!!! AYOKO NA SIYA ISIPIN but knowing me... 2 days later ko pa makakalimutan pagisipan to. For now, I have to consciously remind myself not to think about it na siyempre di ko pa rin naman magawa kasi I'm crazy that way.

I'm excited. I'm hopeful. I'm nervous. I'm scared. I'm going crazy.

2 days to go before I forget this. Come on days! Hurry up! Para makapagpahinga na tong utak ko!

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Level 2... then what's next for me?

Okay. Just to be clear hindi Level 3 ang sagot sa title ng post na to. Sort of rhetorical but not so much kasi pwede rin namang sagutin. Di ko nga lang alam kung ano sagot.

Potek!!!!!! Hay ham so egzayted! Di ko lang alam kung tungkol san! Nakakabaliw ang mga happening!!!

Di ko na alam ano kasunod!!!! Bakit kasi walang mapa tong buhay natin!!??!! Kung meron lang, eh di ang dali sanang i-navigate. Eh kaso wala! Walang mapa!

Nakaschedule na ako for my second client interview sa Lunes. AND. I. AM. KINAKABAHAN!!!!

Heart attack to the highest level na naman yung drama ko! At sa sobrang swerte ko Biyernes ako sinabihan tungkol sa interview ko sa Monday... so I have more than 48 hours to stew! Hahahahah! Last time kasi tinawagan ako thursday, tapos Friday yung interview... so more or less 24 hours lang ako di mapakali... Anakngtipaklong ano na lang mangyayari sa akin kakamuni-muni nito ng kwarenta y otso oras! Malamang by Monday sabaw na naman tong utak ko! Gudlak to me na lang talaga!

But good vibes! Aja! Kaya ko to! Diyos ko kaw na bahala! Ang para kay Naomi ay kay Naomi... Kaso ano nga ba ang para ke Naomi....

Sana blue eyed Australian surfer dude na super intelligent na hanep lang sa abs at masels at funny na eh milyonaryo pa! HAhahahahahahahahahahaahhahaah!

Haaaay dreams! Why can't you stay in my subconscious mind?!?!? Pati ba naman sa waking hours ko eh anjan ka rin!?

Woooohooooo sarap mangarap!!!

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Doo bee Doo bee Dum Doo bee doo dum dum!

Doo bee doo bee dum doo bee doo dum dum!
Doo bee doo bee dum doo bee doo dum dum!


Yan! yan! Yan ang nasa utak ko ngayoN! I know!!!!! Soooo deeeeep!!!

So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me.
Off guard, red handed.
Now I'm far from lonely.
Asleep, I still see you lying next to meeeeeeeeeeeh!!!!

Tae! Puro lyrics ng kanta naman ngayon umiikot sa bunbunan ko! yehboy!

Nababaliw na naman ako!!!!

Yung utak ko naka-on na naman ng walang humpay! Nung isang araw, gusto ko mag-isip para maayos ko ng matino yung mga dapat kong maisip... Nung sabado, nakapag-isip isip ako pero di ko lang talaga macompile ng maayos yung mga bagay-bagay na umiikot sa utak ko!

Bakit kasi walang dewey decimal system sa loob ng utak ko! Napakagulo lanG! Kung anu-ano yung biglang naiisip ko! Shet shet shet!!!! Ayoko na mag-isip pero gusto ko pa rin pagmuni-munian ang ilang bagay! Eh kaso naman, pag nagsimula na akong magmuni muni... blizzard galore bigla yung mga bagay sa utak ko! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!! Nakakabaliw!

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Good News and Bad News

Medyo uso ang Good News/Bad News routine. Pero for me, medyo first time ako nakatanggap ng walang kwentang bad news kung ikukumpara sa kasama nitong good news.

Anakngshet! Buntis si chinky!!!! Hahahhahaha! Ang saya saya ko lang talaga for them! Wala lang! Happy news kasi talaga kapag bagong baby. Sana baby boy!

Hehehehe! Sorry lang talaga, pero may bias ako towards baby boys! Siguro dahil na rin sa forever wish kong magkaron ng baby brother na hindi natupad ever kasi nga dakilang girl yung kapatid ko na kung umasta naman minsan (except kung lumalandi siya) eh parang boy. Alam mo yun! Yung boy na inuutusan maglinis ng kotse hahahhaha! joks onleh sistah!

Pero ayun na nga! I love love love love love love baby boys talaga! Lalo na pag super smart at tahimik lang like my favorite pamangkin AJ. Hahahha! Sorry na lang my other cousins and pamangkin pero may favorite talaga ako! Nakakagigil pag super cute na, smart pa, di pa bully gaya ng iba niyang uncle/cousins!

Ang bad news, di makakasamang Boracay si Mariek... taena wala akong kasama sa plane! shiyet! Hassle! Hahhahaah! Although ayus lang naman sa akin magtravel mag-isa... wala lang... medyo excited na kasi ako magspend time with her and Joey. Tapos biglang hangin na lang lahat! Sana talaga pde siya magtravel by that time! Hay nakuuuuuuu!!!!

I'm bored na naman!

Saturday, February 2, 2013

I'm on a rut

Di ako makapagtrabaho. Di ko alam kung anong iisipin ko. Magulo utak ko ngayon. I want to get away, but I don't know where to go.

I just want time to think. I just want time for myself. I want time to stare off into space and let my mind wander... about anything... about everything... about nothing at all.

It's been so long since I've had to think really hard. Not about work, not about my problems, not about somebody else's problems...

I just want to think. About possibilities. About impossibilities. About probabilities. About the improbables. I just want to sit down. AND. THINK.

Because right now, I think I'm on a rut. I need to get out of this one fast.

Friday, February 1, 2013

Funds Management System

I had an interview earlier with a company whose client dealt with Funds Management. I tried to prepare as much as I can for the interview, I reviewed every project I handled. I tried to remember any roadblocks I encountered on those projects and what I/my team did to solve those issues.

I worked on my technical know-how. I read up on the theories/logic behind every statement I usually use when coding. Sometimes when you've been coding for so long, you tend to forget the theories because you already know why something's more efficient than something else. It's like when you've been driving for several years and on most nights when you drive home, you don't know how you got home. You're on autopilot. You take for granted the logic behind why some things work, your brain knows it works that way but you forget the technical terms.

And then came the interview... one of the questions raised was:

Can you tell us what you know about Funds Management?

I was on full panic mode at that point.

Inside my brain: Shet!!!! Bakit nakalimutan ko iresearch yun!!?!?!?! Yun pa yung nakalimutan ko!!!
Out of my mouth: I'm sorry but I really don't have any experience on that area of the financial services, but I presume from the phrase itself that it has something to do with the management of funds. Hehe! (trying to laugh off my incompetence).

Interviewers: *awkward silence*

================================================================

HAhahahahaahahahahahahhahahahaahahahaha! Tangina!!!!!! Nakakahiyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!! Hahahahahhaahahhaahahahhaah!

Like every other interview, I usually think too much on every little thing I've said on that particular interview and I still hope against hope that somehow... even after all the bullshit I've said, that they'd still see that tiny little speck of brilliance in me even though I have a hard time seeing it myself at times.

Alam mo yun? Yung tipong hindi ka na umaasa kasi alam mong walang kwenta yung mga sinabi mo.... pero kahit paano di mo pa rin maiwasang hindi umasa. I think we're just hardwired that way, to hope against all odds I mean... well, most people at least.

Pero anak lang talaga ng lahat ng anakngshet! Pag naalala ko yung sinagot ko dun sa tanong na yun... Biglang nagugunaw ulit yung mundo ko! hahahahahahaahahahah! Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!!!!

Why am I just so stupidly confident to even try to say what I've said??!?! Hahhahahahahhhha! It hurts my brain!!!!!! hahahahahaahaha!

Well sabi nga nila, charge it to "Experience". Kaso at the rate I'm going, lagpas lagpas na sa credit limit si "Experience"! Hahahahahaha!

My heart, it's on the floor again!

Heart attack galore!!!!

Sinabi ko na ba na ayaw ko ng interviews!??!?! Kung hindi pa... AYOKO NG INTERVIEWS!!!!! Pero it can't be helped!!!

Di na naman mapakali yung utak ko! Yung dibdib ko parang sasabog sa kaba! Natatae ako na parang hindi! Sana makuha ko to! Sana makuha ko to!!!

Kaya ko pa naman dito sa kumpanya ko... pero ayoko nang antayin na mahayblad ulit ako ng bonggang bongga. Pre-emptive strike kumbaga tong ginawa ko. And besides, hellloooooo!!! Australia! Helllooooooooo!!!! Well, wala naman ako gustong puntahan talaga dun... What draws me to it is the chance to start anew in a different country... the chance to start from scratch... new experiences to look forward to... and of course... the cha-ching! cha-ching! hahahaha!

Pero hello! bago ako magpaka-assuming na matutuloy ako dun, kelangan I do well sa interview bukas... at di ko alam kung bigla na lang ba akong magcocollapse habang ini-interview ako over the phone sa sobrang nerbiyos ko ngayon pa lang!

Hindi ako confident na tao... masyado... minsan mukha akong confident... pero mukha lang! I can get in your face pag feeling ko tama ako... pero hindi ibig sabihin nun eh nag-o-ooze with confidence tong uber sexy body ko! Mukha lang talaga, pero hindi! Hindi!!!!

Nakakakaba! Ipinagdasal ko naman to pero siyempre kung kasing-baliw mo ako, minsan kahit anong dasal.... sa sobrang nerbiyos ko.. tulak mo lang ako ng onti eh tumba na ako agad sa dahil sa sobrang jelly na ng legs ko na dulot ng super-duper extra kanerbiyosan ko! Onti na lang talaga, lalabas na tong puso ko sa dibdib ko! As in!!!!!!!!! As in!!!!!!!!

Diyos ko po, kayo na bahala sa akin!